Now that the world has had a chance to settle into the groove of self isolation, I have noticed something about my various responses to this unprecedented situation. At first my instincts were to comb through my studio and reorganize everything, to seize the opportunity afforded to me that comes with an empty calendar. I spent a few days preparing for busy times ahead and innocently assumed that I would keep that momentum going.
Next came grieving, a malaise that crept over me as I saw all sorts of plans I had poured time and energy into evaporate. Things that filled my cup or that I had been greatly anticipating were scrubbed from my foreseeable future within a matter of hours. While I am normally quite an optimistic person, this blow kept me down for a little while as I processed the long term implications of this pandemic.
Thankfully, this eventually lifted and I shifted into passionately wanting to help and bring change. To use this time to reach out to people and do what I could to find good things in a bad situation. While I was experiencing the euphoria of this phase, a few connections were made and some wonderful moments were had. This type of phase is hard to sustain though, so it steadily declined after it peaked.
Then the numbers on the news started to get to me. The idea of going out and being near potential infection became a sobering reality. Low grade worry about health in my household and for vulnerable friends and family settled in. Self isolation became forefront in my routine and not only did I close myself off to the physical world, I retreated from the social world for a couple days.
Now I am bored, so I am puttering around in my studio but not really working. Hibernation is a good word for where I am at currently. I feel like the frozen dirt under the snow that is waiting for the thaw. The potential for work and growth is there, but right now it is not the season.